Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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