I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Randomize
