i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
