I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
