I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
