WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
