And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
