Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
