so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
