I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
