I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
