4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
