I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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