Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
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