i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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