well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
