Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
