ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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