can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
