I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
