If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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