my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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