I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize
