I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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