Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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