I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
