I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
