Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
