Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
i drank out of a bidet.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
