I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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