I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
