He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.�
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Randomize
