Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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