Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Randomize
