whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
