i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
