Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
