fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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