Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
