I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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