Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
