How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
