It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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