I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
