so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
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