I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
