She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
