Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
