I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
