The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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