I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
