At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Dignity is for republicans.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
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