epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Randomize
