She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
