I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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