..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
