Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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