I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
