if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
