i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
