I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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