Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
