The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
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